No More Pretending
by cece1090
Summary: I know this is the worst mistake I could ever make.  I can take many things, I can take being called an idiot, I can take being called selfish, but I can't take and won't take being told I don't know what love is. London oneshot. Good ending. Slight lang.


Disclaimer: I own nothing of Suite Life.

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I stood before the mirror gazing at my reflection in disgust. All I could see was a little girl who never really grew up. Being at the Tipton hotel was easy enough; I had my own room and my own space. Being aboard the ship, on the other hand, proved itself to be difficult. The space was small and escape was not possible. What made it worse was my roommate. Bailey never came across as a stupid girl to me, actually she was very perceptive. Unfortunately she was too busy dating Cody to realize that her roommate was dying on the inside. Regardless, Bailey was an issue because if she did find out about me then she would want me to confess; which would do the complete opposite of keeping a secret.

Anyways, my whole life has been about secrets and masks. In my world you do what you can, you survive. I tried to be different, or more like me but I don't even know who I am anymore. I've played this part for so long; I can't decipher the truth from the lies anymore. Everyone thinks I'm an idiot and that's the way I wanted it, but there are times where I wish it would all go away and I could just be me again. Of course those feelings only happen around one person. Zack isn't a kid anymore.

Zack is the only one who tries to treat me partially normal. I know he's more like me than he sees. He holds up the façade because competing with his brother would be a massive failure and it would be better to not even try. He envies his brother because Cody has everything he wants. Cody has the girl, the grades, the true and real friends and a set future. Even I envy Cody somewhat. What's even more ironic is that Cody has no idea that he is Zack's biggest insecurity.

I would give anything to make Zack feel someone worth their time; unfortunately Zack thinks I'm an airhead Heiress who knows absolutely nothing except the latest designer trends. My words are meaningless just as much as worthless as I am. People believe that I only care about myself, and they're partly right. I look out for myself because if I don't, no one else will. I'm alone in this world, a concept that my friends have yet to understand.

Mosby knows, Mosby always knew. He's tried to help but I can't be helped. I can't be saved. He quickly quit trying; he knew a lost cause when he saw one. He did say that he would be there whenever I couldn't hold up the mask any longer. I scoffed at him at the time, claiming I could it hold it up for eternity; but five years is a long time to keep pretending. Funny, the one girl who is known for her narcisstic lifestyle is the same girl who is completely disgusted with herself.

I look at my watch and see it's already five past eight and I'm late for class, again. Of course that's the only thing my teacher expects from me. I fluff my hair and put my façade back on and prance out the door. The hallways are crowded with people and others are pointing at me and whispering. Being famous comes with a price. I finally reach the doors of the school and take a deep breath. After all, I have start all over again. I open the door and skip to my desk, which happens to be beside Zack. I don't miss the disapproval look my teacher gives me.

"London, this is the third time this week that you've been ten minutes late. I told you yesterday if you were late again you would be spending time with me in detention everyday for two weeks." Miss Teitweiller says.

I look up and give her a smile and pull out a fashion magazine.

"Oh I know, that's why I brought this." I say stupidly.

I watch her as she rolls her eyes and hear a few snickers from the back, no doubted belong to Bailey and Cody. Zack, on the other hand, looks like he's about to roll out of his chair from laughter. A giggle escapes my lips and I want to so desperately laugh because it makes the pretending feel real. So I start to laugh harder along with Zack and it's like we're the only two people in the room. I haven't felt this happy in a long time.

"Class! That's enough! London, no magazine, no pillow, no napping." Miss Teitweiller says with an agitated face.

I calm down somewhat but still see Zack looking at me from the corner of my eye. There's a glint there and I know he's up to something. Miss Teitweiller starts to lecture but I don't pay attention. My mind is already wondering. But something she says reminds me of my sister. I try to get my sister's face out of my head because I knew if I open Pandora's box I won't be able to slam it shut. So I focus on what she is saying.

"What do you think Shakespeare's was trying to get by his star-crossed lovers? Do you think that the two characters shared true love or merely just heightened infatuation?" She asked. "Yes Cody, explain." She finished.

"Well I believe Shakespeare was trying to show the difference between real love and obsession." He spoke bluntly.

Miss Teitweiller's eyes opened slightly at his claim.

"That's very interesting, care to explain more?" She asked.

"Of course. It's obvious that Romeo was just infatuated. He was in love with someone else before Juliet came along and he loved Rosalinda just as passionately, or claimed he did so. Infatuation is a dangerous thing; it caused Romeo to end his life or a woman he probably never truly loved." He said.

I accidently snicker at his explanation. Of course Miss Teitweiller notices.

"London, obviously you don't agree. Care to share your thoughts?" She asks.

"You would have to assume she had any real thoughts first." Bailey says while laughing.

"Yeah, sure would be hard to explain when there's so much sawdust in her head." Cody says.

I can feel the anger start to rise up in my chest at their comments. They don't know anything. They think I'm stupid! They're the ones who think that a person is actually capable of being this much of an idiot. I'm probably the smartest one in this whole classroom. I start to retort but then remember that me acting stupid is part the whole façade. So I quip out an idiotic statement instead.

I snicker then say "I don't have a saw in my head. That would be kind of difficult you know."

"Oh my god, you really are stupid aren't you?" Cody repeats.

I immediately notice Zack's eyes flare and stands up and turn around.

"Would you two just shut up and leave her alone. For crying out loud it's not like you two are the most likeable people around." He retorts.

"Oh come on Zack, we were just messing around. Calm down." Cody replies.

"Calm down!" Zack yells. "God, you are such a jerk. Why can't you just-

"Everyone! Calm down and Zack sit back down." Miss Teitweiller yells.

Zack turns around and whispers "Don't listen to them; nobody ever cares what they say."

I smile weakly at him then turn back towards the teacher.

"Okay, London. Would you please explain yourself?" She asks.

I gulp slightly and decide to give a somewhat smart answer.

"Well, I think Romeo wouldn't have died over someone he didn't love." I say.

"That would be because he confused infatuation with real love." Cody argues.

"No, because infatuation would mean a person only feels something for that someone skin deep." I retort.

"Well he wouldn't have killed himself over a girl if he wasn't strongly infatuated by her." Cody responds heatedly.

"There's a huge difference between infatuation and love Cody." I spit out.

My self control is starting to wear off and I know I'm starting to play with fire but for some reason I can't stop.

"Well obviously. But you wouldn't know the difference would you? Because you have no idea what love is beyond only loving yourself." He claims.

Self control my ass. How dare he even go there. I slam my hand on the table, stand up and turn around.

"I don't know what love is?" I scream. "You think I don't know what love is? Well let me tell you what love is!" I spit out. "Love is being there for someone when they won't give you something back in return. Love is doing anything for that person! Love is knowing when to let someone go and love is protecting someone from something even if it means yourself." I scream. "You know how I know? I know because I love Zack." I yell.

I know this is the worst mistake I could ever make. I can take many things, I can take being called an idiot, I can take being called selfish, but I _can't_ take and _won't_ take being told I don't know what love is.

"I love Zack enough to know not to get him involved. I've seen what love does to people. My father claimed he loved me so much that he killed a man over it! I know what it means to love someone so much that you can't live without them! So don't you EVEN tell me I don't know what love is." I scream slamming my hand on the table again.

I pick up my bag because I having a psychological breakdown and I'm NOT going to have it in here. As I reach the doors I stop. I turn around slowly.

"And you know what, since I've just shot myself to Hell anyways might as well tell you the rest. My head is NOT filled with sawdust. I am NOT an idiot. Actually I'm far from it. So when my drug dealing father shows up and sees I'm still an unintelligent, worthless piece of crap he won't want anything to do with me. I won't be the stupid sister having to sleep with his clients to get him business, I won't have to watch my back every five seconds to make sure our family hit man isn't on my back because I failed my father. No, I'll be such a waste of time to my father he won't even get me involved." I yell as I open the door. "And you know what, I won't be six feet in the ground under a tombstone like my idiot brother. I am not stupid." I seethe as I walk out the door.

I start to run, partly because I can feel the tears start to fall down my cheeks. I've completely blown it, everything I've built for five years it down the drain from just one stupid debate. I finally reach my room but I don't even reach the bed before I slide down the wall in total despair. I've just proclaimed to the world that I'm in love with Zack and I couldn't have been any more stupid.

The tears are free flowing as I sit against the wall. My hands are on my face and my knees are against my chest. Suddenly the door flies open but I'm too scared to look who it is. Soft footsteps come towards me and I feel hands against my wrists. I look up and see Zack crouched in front of me. He brings my hands down.

"You know, I always knew you were smarter than you made yourself out to be." He says softly.

I look into his eyes and confess.

"I'm scared. I was always scared. You don't know my family. I'm scared because I don't know what will happen to me." I whisper.

"You have nothing to be afraid of with me." He whispers back as he brings a hand up and cups my cheek with it. "I've always loved you." He finishes as he wipes my face.

I just sit there staring at him too afraid if I move that this might all be dream. He leans forward and lightly presses his lips to mine. It is a small kiss, a chaste kiss but it feels like home. He leans his head against my forehead still having his hands on either side of my face. I slowly grab hold of his wrists.

"No more pretending." He says quietly.

I smile and for the first time it's completely genuine. For the first time I'm happy.

"No more pretending." I repeat.

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